College Football National Headlines Sunday November 24, 2013

After the loss to Georgia Southern, Florida in great shape to draft Jadeveon Clowney with the first pick in the 2014 Draft.

The swamp. Florida has not had the year it wanted to have but the good news is that help may be on the way. Jadeveon Clowney is going to be available this April and after an incredible loss at home to Georgia Southern the Gators may have positioned themselves perfectly.

The Gator’s head coach when questioned about Clowney had this to say,

“I know it’s unusual for a college team to draft a player eligible for the professional league but we really suck. I mean like losing to Georgia Southern at home suck.”


God chooses to snub Joseph Smith and go with the Pope in the crusade of Catholics versus Mormons.

South Bend, Indiana. The Pope punched early and kept punching as the Catholics took down the Mormons in a big win for Catholic Church, The Vatican, Jesus, and of course, God.

The Vatican had this to say when reached for comment, “Mormons Shmormons. Catholics, bitches!!!”


Wyoming outlasts Hawaii based purely on the fact the Hawaiian players wanted the hell out of Wyoming.

Wyoming [is there really more than one place in Wyoming? And if so is it not named Wyoming?] The Cowboys took down the Warriors in OT thanks to one simple fact: Geography. At the conclusion of the game it was evident the Hawaiian players wanted the hell out of Wyoming. Witnesses observed the Hawaiian players sprinting straight to the airport while simultaneously changing into shorts and flip flops in an effort to get out of what they called, “the worst place they had ever been.”


Virginia Cavaliers worried the Oregon Ducks loss will affect their strength of schedule.

Miami, Florida. This is not how the Virginia Cavaliers imagined it playing out when they scheduled the Oregon Ducks.

“We thought when we scheduled Oregon they would take care of business and increase our strength of schedule. But after yesterday? I mean Arizona? We kept up our part of the deal, we beat the Virginia Military Institute, what have they done?” said the Virginia AD.

The Oregon Ducks were unavailable for comment as they were still trying to figure out a bowl game they could play in that was worthy enough of their presence.


The hippies lose to the Wine-Os and Cal football finishes the season 1-11. They vow revenge after they put down the joint, polish off a Hawaiian pizza, take nap, and a moment to “get centered.”

Medical marijuana heaven. The hippies lose, they always lose, and Saturday was no different. A week after all hope appeared to be lost, the Chardonnay and Pinot Gris is flowing in Palo Alto.

“We did it, we did it, let the Pinot and Gruyere flow baby!!” said the captain of the Cardinal defense.

The hippies on the other hand were extra bitter especially after finally coming down from the high two months ago of beating Portland State. They vowed revenge in time but admitted to not knowing when that time would be because “we’re super baked man.”